“Don’t be sad. Don’t be mad. Don’t feel that way.”
“You need to pull yourself together.”
“Don’t be scared. Don’t worry.”
“You need to put that feeling to the side and forget about it.”
“Don’t make an emotional decision. Just focus on the facts.”
Maybe someone said these things to you. Or, maybe you said them to someone! Either way, my guess is you have heard these words come out of someone's mouth. In fact, some of us may have heard this so many times that we have become conditioned to ignore or hide our feelings.
We’ve also learned to judge our feelings. We have this misperception that there are good feelings (happy, excited, interested, inspired etc.), and there are bad feelings (annoyed, depressed, angry, resentful, etc).
Aren’t feelings, all feelings, messages that give us information? Our feelings and emotions give us clues about ourselves. For example, they help us to know what is important, what we value, what inspires us, what we want to protect, and what we want to change. If we ignore them, we are not being authentic.
Six Seconds, defines emotional intelligence as “integrating thoughts and feelings to make optimal decisions.” It’s about your head and your heart.
When we consider our emotions as data points…a piece of information…we can make a decision that incorporates both the facts and our feelings.
So rather than try to continue to stuff those feelings down, or brush them into a corner, how about being curious about your feelings. Challenge yourself to pay attention to them and the messages they may be conveying.
For the next 7 days, pay attention to your feelings. You can use the chart provided to track all the different emotions and feelings you are experiencing throughout the day.
• What are you noticing about your emotions?
• What are your feelings telling you?
• What are you learning about yourself?
• • • • •
Kelli Schulte Leadership and Life Coach
I am an ICF Certified Coach, specialized in working with teens, young adults, and parents. . My goal is to get the word out about the significant correlation between EQ and your personal effectiveness, relationships, health, and overall satisfaction.
As a Coach, I will help you develop the competencies needed to increase your EQ and find your way through the challenges of everyday life with confidence and resilience.