• Conflict Around the Holiday Table
    Most relationship experts will agree, at the heart of every conflict is a breakdown of communication. And that breakdown includes a lack of listening to each other.

    So what does it take to be a good listener, one that listens deeply?

    It starts with building your self-awareness.
    • What are your thoughts and feelings during conflict?
    • And how do those thoughts and feelings impact your actions.
    This holiday season, challenge yourself to:

    Notice your self talk.

    • Are you making judgments? Instead try to focus on being open minded so that you can hear all that is being said.
    • Are you making assumptions? Instead be curious. Seek to understand a different perspective.
    • Are you focused on winning? Instead, what would happen if you took the competition out of it, or if the conflict ended in a win-win?

    Notice your emotions.

    • What emotions are being triggered? Emotions gives us valuable pieces of information about our circumstances. What are your emotions telling you in this situation?
    • Beyond the surface level emotion of feeling happy, sad, angry, or excited, what other emotions can you name in this situation?
    • What emotions do you detect in the other person? How might these emotions impact their communication?

    Emotions give us valuable information about our circumstances. #IcoachEQ Click To Tweet

    Notice your actions.

    • How are your thoughts and emotions impacting the way you are reacting to the conflict? Are you quick to react?
    • What choices do you have in this conflict?
    • If you could hold your reaction, and instead choose an intentional response, what would it be?
    • In the end, what do you really want out of this relationship? What is most important?
    Self Talk + Feelings impacts Actions
    Learning to listen well to others, requires the ability to listen to yourself first by developing your self-awareness. Listening well also includes recognizing that you have a choice in how you respond, versus reacting in the moment, resulting in being purposeful in conflict resolution and building the relationship.

    SELF TALK + FEELINGS influence ACTIONS #IcoachEQ Click To Tweet

    Imagine a family, a community, an office, a world, where deep listening was the norm. What a wonderful world it would be.


    About Kelli Schulte

    Kelli is a Chicago-based consultant and coach helping individuals and organizations grow in emotional intelligence. With a natural curiosity for how people think and feel, she enjoys helping others increase self-awareness, build greater connections, and experience a healthier sense of well-being, in order to take positive steps forward. 

    In addition to being a wife and a mom of two young adults, she is also a certified coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF), a Preferred Partner with Six Seconds, Certified EQ Assessor and Practitioner, an EQ Area Network Leader with Six Seconds, a Panelist with the Six Seconds EQ Community Forum, and a regular contributor with 30Seconds.com.

    Her combined experience working as a consultant with Fortune 100 organizations, and working with students and adults in church ministry gives her a unique coaching platform.