Last week, I had the privilege of leading a group of entrepreneurs, leaders, and change makers through the Six Seconds EQ Cafe, Developing Emotional Intelligence. We worked together to bust the myths we often believe about emotions (yes all of the above statements are FALSE) and discovered the value emotions play in achieving our goals.

    As a key take away, participants acknowledged that emotions, whether we know it or not, influence how we respond to change, navigate conflict, and go after our goals.

    #Emotions influence how we respond to #change, navigate #conflict, and go after our goals. @6s_EQ #EmotionalIntelligence Click To Tweet

    Not convinced? Try this.

    What do you notice about your continuum? Are more items on one side of the continnum over the other? Or are they balanced? How about the items in the middle?

    What would happen if you had the skills to achieve your goals, but not the emotions such as motivation, determination, perseverance, or optimism? Or, vice versa??

    This continuum illustrates what emotional intelligence looks like in action. Things like prioritizing, problem solving, overcoming obstacles, handling conflict, making decisions, and influencing others, all fall into the middle area where both cognition and emotions play a part.

    So what is emotional intelligence?

    Simply put, emotional intelligence is being smart with your feelings. It’s the ability to blend thoughts AND feelings together so that you can be intentional with your words and actions.


    It’s interesting to point out that 90% of the high performers have greater than average emotional intelligence.


    There was a time when people believed that cognition and emotion were opposite. But neuroscience teaches us that our brains are both rational and emotional at once. Emotional Intelligence is not the opposite of intelligence, nor is it feelings trumping thoughts.

    Emotional Intelligence is the unique intersection of both the head and the heart working together.

    Without emotional intelligence, either facts or emotions are driving your decisions and actions.
    With emotional intelligence, you are able to blend both the rational and emotional data together to intentionally choose how you want to respond.


    The following are eight insights that participants of the EQ Cafe discovered as they considered how to jumpstart their Emotional Intelligence.

    When it comes to achieving your goals:

    Pay attention to the thoughts and feelings that run in the background and in the foreground throughout the day. How are they spurring you on toward your goal? How are they holding you back?

    Rest in the emotion for a minute or so. Remember emotions are not good or bad. They are data. Resist the urge to stuff or ignore certain emotions. Instead, be curious about the emotions you are feeling.

    As you notice your emotions, identify them by name, joy, sadness, anger, anticipation, etc. Naming emotions helps us to become more familiar with them, and to recognize patterns that occur with certain emotions. For more intense emotions, neuroscience teaches us that the simple act of naming your emotions can lessen the intensity of them.

    The simple act of naming your #emotions can lessen the intensity of them. @6s_EQ #EmotionalIntelligence Click To Tweet

    Try to identify the value that is in the feelings you are experiencing…all feelings including the ones you might think are “bad”. For example, when I feel frustrated, it helps me to recognize the importance of what I am doing. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be frustrated!

    Notice what triggers a reaction from you as you work to accomplish your goal. Do you notice things like obstacles, challenges, different opinions, stress, etc triggering an auto-pilot reaction? Be curious to understand the trigger. When did it start? What feelings are associated with the trigger? How does this trigger hinder or support your ability to achieve your goal? What would be a more helpful response?

    Consider the feelings and thoughts that would help you move closer to your goal. What currently gets in the way of experiencing these feelings and thoughts?

    Identify the choices you have and take a few extra minutes to think beyond what’s right in front of you. What haven’t you thought of yet? What has helped you be successful in the past? What intrinsic values are attached to your goal? What is going to help you stay the course and persevere?

    Imagine yourself getting closer to achieving your goal. How will it feel? What will be different? Why is this goal so important? What difference will it make in your life? What difference will it make in the life of others?


    If you are interested in signing up for a Six Seconds EQ Cafe in Hawthorn Woods Illinois, click HERE for a schedule.

    Click HERE, if you are interested in learning more about:

    • Offering emotional intelligence and leadership development at your workplace
    • Assessing emotional intelligence, leadership effectiveness, or the health of your organization/team
    • Coaching to strengthen your leadership skills


    Kelli Schulte is an Emotional Intelligence Consultant and Coach with EQuip Studios, a leading provider of emotional intelligence training, assessment, and coaching. Kelli is using her 25+ years of instructional design, leadership development, and coaching experience to help organizations, leaders, and teams develop and practice the learnable and measurable skills of emotional intelligence.

    As a Preferred Partner with Six Seconds, the largest global network of emotional intelligence practitioners, EQuip Studios has access to the latest in research and resources, to develop customized performance improvement solutions that maximize the overall effectiveness of individuals, leaders, teams, and entire organizations.